Things Prez Obama did not say

I got a sneak preview this morning of the document that had been given to the Prez by his ADC when he got the Nobel and he had to make a statement. Some of the sentences in the original statement were knocked off - because the Prez thought they were a bit too honest and upfront. For the edification of the world, I now present, for the first time in history, the unedited version. The stuff which was cut out is in italics. For the sake of brevity, I am not reproducing the paragraphs which didn't the Presidential blue pencil, or is red pencil?

"To be honest, I do not feel that I deserve to be in the company of so many of the transformative figures who've been honored by this prize, men and women who've inspired me and inspired the entire world through their courageous pursuit of peace. But if the committee thinks they can take it away from me, they got another think coming – it will be in MY trophy cabinet and in no one else’s, or is it no one’s else? I better check with my speechwriter.

"But I also know that this prize reflects the kind of world that those men and women and all Americans want to build, a world that gives life to the promise of our founding documents. And I know that throughout history the Nobel Peace Prize has not just been used to honor specific achievement; it's also been used as a means to give momentum to a set of causes. Thank God for the “momentum” bit, if they’d waited for what I finally end up doing, maybe I’d never get it. Good lads and ladies, the Committee!

"And that is why I will accept this award as a call to action, a call for all nations to confront the common challenges of the 21st century. Now, these challenges can't be met by any one leader or any one nation. And that's why my administration's worked to establish a new era of engagement in which all nations must take responsibility for the world we seek. As long as leave the US out of this ‘responsibility’ nonsense – we’ll just take the money thank you very much!!

"We cannot tolerate a world in which nuclear weapons spread to more nations and in which the terror of a nuclear holocaust endangers more people. And that's why we've begun to take concrete steps to pursue a world without nuclear weapons: because all nations have the right to pursue peaceful nuclear power, but all nations have the responsibility to demonstrate their peaceful intentions. Again, as long as we in the US get to keep what we got, we’re delighted. If anyone talks of us reducing our nuclear weapons stockpile, boy! has he got a megaton of our wrath coming his way.

"We cannot accept the growing threat posed by climate change, which could forever damage the world that we pass on to our children, sowing conflict and famine, destroying coastlines and emptying cities. And that's why all nations must now accept their share of responsibility for transforming the way that we use energy. Again, leave the US out of it – see above for repeat of sentence. Or do I have to spell things out every single time??!!

"Even as we strive to seek a world in which conflicts are resolved peacefully and prosperity is widely shared, we have to confront the world as we know it today. I am the commander in chief of a country that's responsible for ending a war and working in another theater to confront a ruthless adversary that directly threatens the American people and our allies. I am also commander in chief of a country that’s responsible a large number of wars in the last half century – and I’ll get my PR agency to work on making people forget that.

"I'm also aware that we are dealing with the impact of a global economic crisis that has left millions of Americans looking for work. These are concerns that I confront every day on behalf of the American people. Some of the work confronting us will not be completed during my presidency. Some, like the elimination of nuclear weapons, may not be completed in my lifetime.

"But I know these challenges can be met, so long as it's recognized that they will not be met by one person or one nation alone. The whole of Wall Street is working towards a solution to the economic crisis – the solution that I favour is to make sure that all the money in the world is in Wall Street, and nobody else has any money. That way, no crisis in the US, and no crisis anywhere else either; you see, money is the root cause of all worries – so global happiness is achieved. Will they give me a second Nobel, I wonder?"

So now you know. And when you rush out and buy the Prez's memoirs, remember you read this here first.